The Physicist in the Box
by MicheleHeartFox
Summary: Amy is trying her best to get Sheldon out of the apartment for them to spend time alone together. Her ideas are not exactly Sheldon's cup of tea, but she's not ready to give up yet. Or is she?


The Physicist in the Box

This evening, Amy follows Sheldon up the last flight of stairs to reach his walk-up apartment. It wasn't always a walk-up, but for reason's unknown, the elevator has never been repaired. She's too far behind him to hold his hand, as she'd like, but it doesn't stop her from engaging in small talk. "It's come to my attention that once two people become a couple, it's a common practice for the couple to engage in extracurricular classes, to enhance both their skills and their relationship."

"But I don't need to enhance anything I do. I've mastered everything I consider important to me."

She follows him into the apartment and takes a seat facing Sheldon. "There is one area of expertise that would benefit both of us and your circle of friends."

Sheldon looks both puzzled and annoyed. "Why would I do something to benefit Raj and Howard? If they want their life enhanced, they should do it themselves, they don't need me. Anyway, Howard would just whine and Raj simply wouldn't say a thing."

Amy clasped her hands. "A friend of mine is doing an environmental toxicity study at the university. However, one day found herself fighting a mugger on the way home from a golf tournament and now she's finding it difficult to replace valuables, especially her beloved vuvusuela.

"Did she win?"

"No they stole her vuvuzela."

"I meant the golf game. Losing an loud, monotone, ridiculously named musical instrument is of no consequence. The thieves probably blew it one time and threw it in the bushes. I hope hitting that little white ball around a methodically manicured ten acre lawn was worth it."

"Sheldon, she could have gotten hurt by the mugger, but luckily she only lost the instrument and a great deal of pride when she started screaming 'That man took my vuvu' and the other golfers thought it was a euphemism for her virginity. Either way, for as much walking as we do, I thought it could be advantageous for us to take a self defense class. Something we both should've done in elementary school, if we had any indication of the seemingly endless bullying to come."

"Oh yes," Sheldon recalled, "if only I had some powerful skill to smite the neighborhood bully. But I don't think a karate chop would've worked on Mrs. O'Reilly's chicken. He was much too tenacious. Nonetheless, I don't think self defense is for me, Amy."

"What would you plan to do in the event of a hold-up?"

"Amy, one does not plan to be held up. But since you asked, I would run, I've gotten very good at running. I've had lots of practice. Besides, I'm certain that the class you suggested would involve a copious amount of unnecessary touching. That would be unacceptable in these days of insidious mutant viruses lurking on every surface touched by the common working man. I'm sorry, but I must decline."

"Well, in that case, how would you feel about taking a cooking class? You'd save lots of money and your friends would be impressed."

"Oh, Amy, you're not going to let this go, are you?"

"Okay, cooking it is. Italian, French or Chinese?"

"I have no desire whatsoever to cook food, Amy. I don't need to save money like an over-zealous coupon clipper, and lastly, I think my friends are thoroughly impressed with me just as I am."

"Even so, I think we should put our heads together and come up with a suitable activity for both of us. Break out of the box, as it may be."

Sheldon was still confused. "I like my box just the way it is."

Leonard walked in the door, "Hi, did anything new happen today?"

"No," protested Sheldon, "but Amy wants me out of my box, and I don't want to leave my box. It took me years to get my box just the way I want it. A quiet, clean box that never changes. It's my box, I'm staying."

Amy sighed, "I've suggested some classes, but I'm about to give up."

Leonard shook his head. "Don't give up, just fold the lid down on his box, because if it fits, it ships." He placed cartons of Chinese food on the table. "Anybody hungry?"

"See Amy, we don't need to know how to cook. General Tsu thought of everything years ago. No fuss, no mess, no dirty dishes for you to scrub."

"I was hoping to spend some constructive time with you Sheldon. Leonard, do you and Penny ever embark on journeys of personal growth?"

He paused between bites to think. "No, it can't be described as that."

Raj and Howard showed up just in time to grab a plate and eat. Amy asked them the same question. "Do you two ever take time to participate in activities of personal growth?"

They both looked at the ceiling for a moment. Then Raj shook his head no and Howard said, "Ah, no, it can't be described as that, no."

"Okay, then. But Sheldon I'm not giving up. Even Schrodinger's cat had to come out of his box at some point."


End file.
